Be sound to yourself, basically
Let me run a hypothetical by you, and see if you relate. For a period of time (can be a number of days to a couple of weeks), you just don’t feel yourself, you don’t feel good, things are stressful, and it’s like you’re running on empty. You have a working knowledge of well-being and what you should do in order to get yourself out of the rut you’re in - a walk, a DMC with a close friend, reducing your screen time, lighting a candle and doing some meditation - but for whatever reason, the thoughts of doing those things are enough to give you hives, despite knowing how beneficial these acts of self-care are. We speaking the same language?
For the past few weeks, I found myself feeling quite low. Nothing too serious, thankfully, but all the same just not my contented self. School was more stressful than usual, my disillusion with the seemingly never-ending lockdown and COVID was growing, and there has been such horrifying, saddening news in the media of late too, and it just felt like, rather than the metaphorical sun I feel beating down on me the majority of the time, it was nothing but grey clouds threatening heavy downpours (reflected poetically by the miserable weather in Cork recently). For me, this ‘feeling shit’ manifested as laziness, forgetfulness, and complete disregard for doing those things I know put me in a better mood. My motivation to exercise and to cook for myself waned - 2 things from which I usually obtain a lot of joy - I was napping more often, Netflix was on for much longer than it usually would be on a weekday evening, and whenever a reasonable, logical voice from within would timidly suggest journaling or going on a walk with a stimulating podcast, it was almost like every cell in my body simultaneously groaned.
This was where I hit a bit of a wall with myself. One of the annoying things about being in touch with your emotions and having a deeper awareness of the mind is that, when faced with any bit of adversity or stress, it can feel like you have no excuse for not being able to help yourself back up. It’s like a mechanic being presented with a fault in a car - they may quickly identify the problem and have the skills and apparatus to fix it, but lack the energy to even reach for the tools in the first place. Needless to say I felt like a huge fraud the last few weeks being in the funk I was in and coming on here in the past talking about gratitude, meditation, and all those lovely things, and while I have never claimed that cultivating these habits would ERADICATE stress or frustration, I did feel on some level hypocritical, whether or not it is objectively true.
Sometimes it’s necessary to engage in the shitty behaviour to move through the process and get out the other side sane. I got the takeaway those evenings I didn’t want to cook, I took the naps because my body was telling me it was too tired to do something my logical brain might deem ‘more productive’, and I put off the end-of-year report-writing until later in the week because at the time watching Parks & Recreation was more important. Then, having allowed myself that little slump, circling back to the concept of motivation helped get me back on track. Remembering how exciting it is to try a new recipe had me back at the kitchen counter chopping and frying, I put my phone at the opposite end of the room to kick-start an earlier, better-quality night’s sleep, and I reminded myself why I pursued education as a way to power through my work-related admin.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that we can read all the self-development books we want and be committed to our growth and to the cultivation of good vibes but life really is a yin-yang situation. We’re bound to have days and weeks and even months where overwhelm and apathy can get the better of us and our day-to-day behaviours become more about sanity and survival than self-actualisation. And to be honest, I think even being open to and even welcoming the peaks-and-trough reality that is life is, in itself, personal growth.
For the past few weeks, I found myself feeling quite low. Nothing too serious, thankfully, but all the same just not my contented self. School was more stressful than usual, my disillusion with the seemingly never-ending lockdown and COVID was growing, and there has been such horrifying, saddening news in the media of late too, and it just felt like, rather than the metaphorical sun I feel beating down on me the majority of the time, it was nothing but grey clouds threatening heavy downpours (reflected poetically by the miserable weather in Cork recently). For me, this ‘feeling shit’ manifested as laziness, forgetfulness, and complete disregard for doing those things I know put me in a better mood. My motivation to exercise and to cook for myself waned - 2 things from which I usually obtain a lot of joy - I was napping more often, Netflix was on for much longer than it usually would be on a weekday evening, and whenever a reasonable, logical voice from within would timidly suggest journaling or going on a walk with a stimulating podcast, it was almost like every cell in my body simultaneously groaned.
This was where I hit a bit of a wall with myself. One of the annoying things about being in touch with your emotions and having a deeper awareness of the mind is that, when faced with any bit of adversity or stress, it can feel like you have no excuse for not being able to help yourself back up. It’s like a mechanic being presented with a fault in a car - they may quickly identify the problem and have the skills and apparatus to fix it, but lack the energy to even reach for the tools in the first place. Needless to say I felt like a huge fraud the last few weeks being in the funk I was in and coming on here in the past talking about gratitude, meditation, and all those lovely things, and while I have never claimed that cultivating these habits would ERADICATE stress or frustration, I did feel on some level hypocritical, whether or not it is objectively true.
Sometimes it’s necessary to engage in the shitty behaviour to move through the process and get out the other side sane. I got the takeaway those evenings I didn’t want to cook, I took the naps because my body was telling me it was too tired to do something my logical brain might deem ‘more productive’, and I put off the end-of-year report-writing until later in the week because at the time watching Parks & Recreation was more important. Then, having allowed myself that little slump, circling back to the concept of motivation helped get me back on track. Remembering how exciting it is to try a new recipe had me back at the kitchen counter chopping and frying, I put my phone at the opposite end of the room to kick-start an earlier, better-quality night’s sleep, and I reminded myself why I pursued education as a way to power through my work-related admin.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that we can read all the self-development books we want and be committed to our growth and to the cultivation of good vibes but life really is a yin-yang situation. We’re bound to have days and weeks and even months where overwhelm and apathy can get the better of us and our day-to-day behaviours become more about sanity and survival than self-actualisation. And to be honest, I think even being open to and even welcoming the peaks-and-trough reality that is life is, in itself, personal growth.
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